When people talk about ADD they usually are talking about an inability to focus. Attention disorders are prevalent in my family and, superficially, you might attribute a great deal of my behavior to this standard concept of ADD. In reality, however, my disability is exactly the opposite. I struggle with an Attention Over-Focus Disorder. I become over focused on a project, a task, or an idea, to the exclusion of perspective. It is very difficult for me to transfer my attention from one thing to another and as a result I often neglect important tasks, spend to much time on minutia, and resist change.
Over-focus is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, when my focus does shift to something that needs to be done, I am capable of long periods of sustained focus with a great deal of attention to detail and I get a lot accomplished. On the other, if my focus does somehow turn to something else before I have completed that upon which I was previously focused, it may be a long time before I manage to get back to it. And when I am over-focused I overreact negatively to even minor interruptions, tend to give undue weight to perceived slights or criticisms, unnecessarily go over the same idea repeatedly in my head, over-focus on the negative in general, and I don’t get anything else done, no matter how important it is.
Controlling this behavior involves influencing the levels of Dopamine and Serotonin in my brain. It is a tricky balance to strike because I need to become unfocused enough to not be over-focused, but still focussed enough to be productive. Often the effort results in an unhappy choice: I can be a pleasant, happy person and make my wife and children happy to be around me and be completely unproductive, or I can be highly productive and a miserable excuse for a husband and father. We have been praying that Heavenly Father would reveal to us a better solution to my disability.
Recently I have taken up running or jogging in the mornings as a way of trying to strike the balance. It appears to be helping.
